4th April.
1-0 at Spurs yesterday. A stuttering
unfluent performance against a Spurs side who don't believe in
themselves and should have scored at least twice. Amidst all the
media love for Ranieri which has obscured his abilities
as a manager, this was still a typically scrappy away performance
with the usual last fifteen minute 'hanging on by our boot-starps'
defending a 1-0 lead when we have it in our ability to put the
opposition out of their misery very early on. As one Spurs
fan mate put it 'You're just a lousy defensive grab it on the
break side aren't you? I thought you were better than that.' And
yet we won again. And again Ranieri took off the best player,
who this time was Scott Parker, on the 70 minute mark,
and put an out of sorts Joe Cole on in his place, and allowed
Spurs to camp in our half till the final whistle. Crespo
swapped with the strangely more impressive Jimmy Floyd Doodah
(who scored again! 13 goals in 16 appearences verus Tottenham)
and was his most headless chickenist. So. Tuesday looms and the
second leg of the Champions League with the Arse
is on everyone's mind. I'm afraid I can't see us beating them.
But then they lost to United yesterday and we haven't had
a goal against us away in the Champions' league this season.
My fingers are well and truly in knots. (ps Dennis Wise
today steered Millwall to the Cup Final and Europe. I must
admit I felt a lump in my throat. Good luck to him . What a player.
He never gave the ball away.)
23rd March.
Ho hum. It's been some time since I stuck in a
few observations about my beloved team for which I apologize to
anyone who regularly reads my scribblings. However as I'm convinced
that no-one at all ever reads this rubbish it doesn't matter whether
I put in an entry or not! But here's one nonetheless.
Nothing much has changed. We grab victories by
the skin of our teeth (Man City away). We ludicrously defend
1-0 away leg scores (Stuttgart) ; we lose to Arsenal cluelessly,
not looking as if we'll ever beat them. Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink
wanders about applauding everyone as he fails to anticipate a
centre pinged in his direction, or loses possession when he actually
never had the ball under control in the first place.
Claude Makelele has got worse and worse,
reaching a ridiculous level of uselessness when he gave the ball
away eleven times in the first ten minutes versus Stuttgart
away. At least our esteemed genial manager Claudio Ranierei
has given him the rest he requested. (Apparently he dislikes playing
so frequently and can't stand the weather).
Crespo weaves intricate patterns in and
out of the oppo's defence but hardly seems to touch the ball.
Mutu is a jack in the box of activity and deserves the
highest praise for his efforts, but misses too many obvious chances.
He just cannot cope with a one on one with the goalkeeper and
panics!
Gallas is back at right back and hates it,
preferring his Centre half role (which he is good at, but not
as good as he could be) Which means the dubious Marcel Desailly
is back (one horrendous first half display versus Watford
in the FA Cup cast doubt on his ever playing for the Blues again)
next to the outstanding JT (John Terry).
Frank Lampard looks tired and loses possession
too much. (It was interesting watching the great Dennis Wise
playing for Millwall the other day against Tranmere
in the FA Cup. He found a player with every pass. He didn't give
the ball away). On the plus side, as well as JT obviously, and
the ever improving Wayne Bridge, and a seemingly in form
Eidur, the Duffer is back, post injury. He played
excellently in the first half against the Cottagers on
Saturday and scored a good goal. He was scheming and skilful and
direct. As long as Claudio doesn't put him at central midfield
all will be well. Why put your best most incisive player in a
position that he isn't used to, I hear you ask? Well unfortunately
that is what Claudio does. He did it against Fulham. Damian
was superb so he puts him in a defensive role in the second half
and takes off the Gronk, who was surprisingly competent
in the first half. I did my usual 'who was the best player in
the first half, therefore who will he take off first' thing with
the people I sit with. 'Gronkjaer' was the reply. And lo and behold,
the Gronk who beat people all over the place and actually crossed
to other players, was the first off. He didn't even last the first
half! And so we defended 2-1 for the whole of the second half.
Tedious or what! Ok we prevented Fulham from having hardly any
shots on goal, but we were subjected to the usual nail biting
in the last fifteen minutes as we defended too deep and hacked
and hoofed the ball upfield. Oh it was so dull. And yet we are
second in the league.
So why am I moaning? I'm moaning because I'm not
enjoying watching them or Claudio's farting about. Surely the
thing to do is put out your best team. He doesn't know what his
best team is. Or reward good performances. Last week Joe Cole
came on against Bolton and was excellent. Does he get a start
this week? Does he fuck! He comes on late in the second half and
is ok. Is he being rested for the Arsenal Champions' League game?
Who knows? I'm on an internet team prediction sweep stake with
21 others trying to predict the team Claudio will pick. Only three
people have predicted the team all season. He doesn't pick consistently
you see. I can forecast the Arsenal team better than the team
I watch every week because Wenger plays his best team and
allows the opposition to cope with that. Ranieiri looks at the
oppo and picks his team to stifle them! I know he's an Italian
manager and Italians like defending but it's not attractive stuff.
I'm sorry to be a gloom and doom merchant but we'll
lose both legs 2-1 and have a new manager come the summer. I don't
like him. 'We're not good enough' he says when asked about whether
we can beat the Arse. I don't want to hear that. I want to go
to see them on Wednesday and next week and believe we might get
a result. Otherwise why are we bothering to turn up?
27th Dec.
Hmm. It's all gone pear shaped as I think most
people who support the Blues feared it would. A draw versus Leeds,
losses against Villa, Bolton and Charlton. In between
a scrappy win against Fulham. The holes in defence and
attack were there for all to see: Crespo trying to be too
clever, Mutu getting deeper and deeper and almost playing
midfield, Makelele giving the ball away too much, Desailly
just not being very good. Even John Terry making uncharacteristic
mistakes, But the worst culprit is Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink
who is now an object of derision. His performance against Charlton
on Saturday was painful to behold. The crowd were amusing amidst
the anxiety.
'Fuck off Jimmy'
'Send him off Ref. Please.'
'Jimmy. Poke yer toe in a bit would you?
'Just make a fucking effort would you Hasselbaink'
'For fuck's sake Ranieri get the cunt off ' etc
etc
It doesn't make Ranieri look good either
playing someone who is so clearly completely out of touch. And
also not subbing him. He's now like the crap player in the playground
who keeps getting in the way. Also we're all bemused as to why
he insists on picking Desailly instead of Gallas who has
been performing far better. Desailly yesterday against Charlton
was asleep for several of the corners and at fault for 2 of the
goals.
Leeds was the first disappointment. We never do
well there. (To be fair we won a couple of seasons ago when Jon
Harley scored) but this was a must win game for me, to see
whether Ranieri could make up for last year's dismal display against
them. This year Leeds were almost down and out, being in the bottom
three and on the verge of administration with a caretaker manager.
Eveybody else was beating them. But our attitude was wrong. It
was a feeble effort. Then the very average display against Bolton
where we should have scored five in the first twenty minutes,
only managed one and then their only attack of the first half
resulted in a goal. By the second half we had completely run out
of ideas, and the manager couldn't supply a solution. Terry's
last minute own goal was bad luck, but ludicrous given our superiority
in the first half. This was the old Chelsea again that we thought
we wouldn't see again with all these world class stars. Then the
Worthington Cup Villa performance was equally below par, with
players bumping into each other not sure of where they should
be playing.
It looks to me alarmingly as if we've been sussed
and the opposition has worked out how to play us. Work hard at
breaking us down, defend deep, knowing we won't score with our
feeble goal shy strikers, and then pump high crosses into the
box. Old aggressive tactics guaranteed to put it up the 'fancydan'
continental opposition. This sounds exactly like what happened
when Vialli was manager. The clubs worked us out!
Fulham was a more organized performance, and I'm
sure that Jimmy FHdohhh not playing made a difference. But Charlton
went for us and never looked like losing. Eidur Gudjohnson
looked good for us as a second half sub, but that he was the only
redeeming feature. A feeble disorganized load of poo.
Portsmouth tomorrow. What joy of selection
will Ranieri spring onus? Will the lethargic hippy-like Stanic
make a reappearance? Will Jimmy FHDohhh be dropped? Will Desailly
continue his galumphing? Watch this space.
11th Nov.
I've been having a bet on the internet with a group
of lawyer friends about what Ranieri's choice of team would be.
We've been doing this since the beginning of the season. Every
game, be it Champions' League or Premiership or League Cup. No
one up until the Lazio away game on Tuesday had got it
right, and at a quid a time, the pot stood at £150.
However, on Tuesday, seven of us got it right.
Because.......Claudio Ranieri picked the best team! And
then he confused us all by picking the same team for Sunday versus
Newcastle!!!! The result: nine goals in two games. A remarkable
four nil victory in Rome and then a five nil trouncing of the
'Toon' at the Bridge today which reduced Bobby Robson at
the post match interview to a gabbling wreck. His team had been
well and truly stuffed. As were Lazio. Ranieri actually played
Duff on the left wing in both games rather than in the
centre of midfield where he isn't as effective, and he rewarded
his manager by playing out of his skin for both fixtures scoring
two great individual goals.The team which we hope Ranieri will
not fart about with, is, to us lot on the web, and to a large
number who've been watching the Blues this season, obvious.
They are the best players:
- Cudicini: superb on Tuesday making vital saves
- Johnson: great first goal today and an all round excellent
performance
- Gallas: slightly worried about his fitness but he seems
to be ok
- Terry: he is a colossus in defence
- Bridge: who I doubted at first but gets better and
better
- Makelele: he is brilliant just in front of the defence
- Lampard: having the season of his career
- Veron: quicksilver pace and speed of thought but still
gives the ball away too much
- Mutu: we love him coz he never ever stops running and
trying and is highly skilfull
- Crespo: improving all the time though a tendency to
try and showboat a bit
- Duff: who is wonderful, and for whom the song by Labi
Siffre must catch on ('It must be Duff Duff Duff')
In this form I defy anyone to stand in their way.
Gudjohnson comes on and is terrific. As is the Gronk.
And there is no place for the lazy man with the huge arse, Hasselbaink
(Hurrah! about bloody time!).
Remarkable. They're getting better and better.
I love it when they're this good.
28th Oct.
The Lazio game was a revelation. When he
doesn't fart about the ever more endearing Ranieri gets
it right.
We were better than Lazio - who were a skilful
team themselves - all through the match. Incisive, clever fluent
passing with Makelele doing his clearing up work just in
front of the defence. Very very impressive. Veron still
gives the ball away too much but seemed a yard faster. He sees
things so quickly. And Mutu the effervescent, the wriggling,
the nuisance, the darting runner, dragging opponents hither and
thither, was a delight. Mutu the ever impressive was a handful
of handfuls and fully deserved his goal.
Contrast this performance with the odd fits and
starts perf at the Arse where I know Ranieri was hampered by playing
Melchiot and Huth (pronounced 'Hoot') instead of
Terry and Gallas who were both injured. But he insisted
on playing the marvellous Duff who should be on the left
wing always, in midfield. Compare the attitude of the two managers:
Wenger at 1-1 takes off midfield and brings on forwards:
Kanu and Bergkamp. He wants to win. Ranieri at seventy
minutes decides he wants the draw and is about to bring on Stanic
(oh God) when Cudicini lets the ball between his legs and
it's 2-1. Ranieri then sends the erratic bizarrely bottomed Jimmy
Floyd H on who pisses about to no purpose and the game dribbles
away to the taunts of the 'Highbury Library' ('you've never won
the title' and 'you'll never beat the Arsenal' being the most
pleasant).
Then after the brilliance of Lazio the slight disappointment
of the Man City game where we could've lost and just weren't
hitting the passes sweetly enough. It was messy eg: Joe Cole
who started a home game for the first time, was played out of
position and was occasionally excellent but could've been better.
Not to take anything away from a vastly improved Man City side
(we beat em 5-0 last year), but ours was a fits and starts performance.
And Jimmy Floyd Strange Arse pratted about again (in the team
coz Crespo was injured), but scored after the great Mutu
had mesmerised em on the wing and it inadvertently struck James
F-H-Arse on the shin and went in.
So Notts County on Wed. Will he put out
a reserve side? What is a reserve side nowadays? Baba? Stanic?
Veron possibly? Melchiot? Petit? Gudjohnson? Or will
it be the real reserve side? Oliveira? Keenan? Etc.
Everton Saturday will be a good test and
then it's Lazio in Rome. Heady days.
6th Oct.
So. Two very uninspiring performances for
the blue boys and yet only one defeat and third position in the
league with a game in hand. Looks good!
What can we say so far about the Roman Legion?
The Russian Revolution?
Well it's revealed to me that Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink
shouldn't ever be picked again. I now hate him. For being feeble
and sulky last year and falling over and lolling about with his
hands on his hips and doing what I can't stand with footballers,
particularly ones who are on £60,000 a week, not making any effort.
And then this year when his place was in doubt, making an effort
and looking good again. But then in the last two games, being
crap again and being sulky again. Aaaargh. I HATE HIM.
Sell him asap.
It's Chelski has also revealed that Ranieri the
manager, for all his charm now that he's learnt a sort of English
- a strange poetic highly sporting English. Magnanimous in defeat
and victory - is still as weird as last year with his team selections
and substitutions. Not to start with Duff in the Champions
League game versus Besiktas was ridiculous. And to play three
centre halves confused everyone, especially Desailly, Gallas
and Terry, the three centre halves. And then to take off
two forwards when we're losing two nil was just daft. Gronkjaer
crossing for the diminutive Joe Cole had me punching my
own head in disbelief.
And on Sunday versus Boro, in the second half,
he just leaves it while we're playing like pooh and escapes by
the skin of his teeth by a bit of brilliance from Duff
and Crespo. No I am not happy with the manager. Remember.
This is the man who played De Lucas and Stanic last
year. And Jokanovic the year before that. These players
are all capable of reducing grown men to tears. We must seriously
doubt Ranierei's abilities as a manager. Bring on whoever.
If it's Eriksson so be it. I do not want the quaint Italian
any longer. So there.
2nd Sept.
Ye Gods. What a bizarre time to be a Chelsea
supporter. Bizarre but wonderful. I've seen all the games so far
this season and it's an electrifying atmosphere. However. I'm
convinced it'll take the team some time to settle down into a
coherent unit. And I'm also convinced the manager will not be
around for long.
He still does his silly substitutions. eg Saturday
he took off dangerous Duff and replaced him with a midfielder,
pedantic Petit (who was actually quite good, altho singled
out by Flitcroft for some fisticuffs). And then he removed the
brilliant effervescent speedster Mutu (who will be the
top scorer in the Premiership this season), who was clearly the
best player on the pitch, with fifteen minutes to go. The whole
game fizzzled out with his exit. Why take off the best player
you might ask. Me too!!!
And Ranieri's team selection beggars belief.
Mind you, when you've got one of the most expensive sides in the
world at your disposal it gets hard to see who you'll leave out.
But he must play two wingers. Or at least have one in the team
and one on the bench. Gronkjaer is a very quick option
to open up defences. Ok he finds it difficult to cross the ball,
but he's a genuine pace merchant. (At least the other expensive
winger Bolo Zenden, an £8 million player whose first touch
would have shamed a sealion, has gone on loan to Middlesborough).
Hasselbaink, having been the great whinger
and moaner and faller over last season, is now trying his little
white socks off. But Gudjohnson looks very off the pace.
Veron is interesting. Great skill,but gives the ball away too
much. Bridge is just not good enough defending. Le Saux
was a far superior footballer. But Bridge is young.
How long will Joe Cole cope with brief cameos
as a seven minute sub? Lampard is getting better and better.
But where will he go when all the new signings are all present
and correct? Desailly looks too slow now. Gallas
should be partnering Terry.
Marvellous times. But if the results go against
the Boys in Blue, how long before it all changes? Oh the excitement!
August 2003
Blimey! What's all this Chelski business
eh? Should we Cfc fans be rejoicing at new owner Russian Abramovich's
largesse? Of course we should! New signings means we'll have competition
for places and classier players than some of the substandard under-performers
manager Ranieri shoved out at us last year.
Who can forget the talentless blond haired dick
Enrico De Lucas whose staggeringly inept performance at
Leeds would have graced the Chiswick and District League division
11. And then there was the pouting mincing faller over Jimmy
Floyd Hasselbaink himself who managed to 'phone it in' for
the whole of the season and was the man for whom the two words
'fucking' and 'useless' were meant.
And then there's 'Bolo' Zenden, who must
be the only eight million pound player who actually can't control
the ball. One touch, and there it is bouncing away from him like
he's got size nineteen clown's shoes.
And of course 'beep beep Road Runner' Gronkjaer,
the fastest runner in the Premiership, but hasn't learnt the art
of crossing yet. And the strange permanently shagged out looking
Mario Stanic for whom the simplest pass seems an effort
of enormous proportions.
All of this lot must see second team footer looming
(thankfully De Lucas has gone. And so has very slow ' scragger'
Jodi Morris, who having lost his pace used to cling on
to opponents and was amazed when penalised. He has clearly found
his level at Leeds. 'Tee hee' is all I can say, knowing, as we
do, how bad he can be.)
And how about Ranieri himself? Will he last long
now that he will have several stars to choose from? I suspect
not. Any man who can include the appalling duck like Jokanovic
in his team must be doubted as sane let alone a Premiership manager.
Grown men would blub when Jokanovic's name was read out on the
Tannoy. Many were driven to utter the words' I fucking hate you
Jokanovic' as he got caught in possession once again. And any
manager who could take off a striker and try to defend nil nil
against United as he did last year must have a large question
mark over him. Ferguson's eyes lit up and blam. Forlan and 1-0.
The jury is still out.
But an interesting season no doubt. And a season
that promises much as opposed to a season where Bates would've
had to sell Terry, Gallas, Gudjohnson, and of course Zola,
which he managed to do because he offered him so little initially.
I'm certainly looking forward to it. And to whoever
else we purchase. I reckon Veron or Emerson. And
Christian Vieri. Ah bliss!
A few pictures of Chelsea legends from the recent
past
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