The SD's are doing this one.

I'm a dentist
I love to drill
Discoloured teeth
Give me a thrill
When I get you
On your back
You'll say tar tare to all that plaque

I'm a professional you see
Although I'm masked
There'll be no robbery
I'm a dentist
Open wide and let me in.

I can't wait
To find a cavity
Nurse - hand me the scraper
Gotta get wider for me
Oh sweet tooth fairy
Glory glory be
There's a cute little abscess
Oozing at me

If you've a molar to remove
I got a grip that's oh so smooth
Coz I'm a dentist
Open wide and let me in

You get a smart white coat
You get to put on plastic gloves
You get to use a saliva ejector
It's extraction that I love
Can't get enough
I just yearn
For tooth decay
I can fill and crown and draw and scrape all day
A leaking canine,
Incisor's got chipped
Make an appointment
We're fully equipped

Roll em up both old and young
Please don't have a furry tongue
Trust me
Open wide and let me in

I'm capping here
X-raying there
No need to squirm
Deaths are quite rare

If it's dentures
You require
I've got a drawer full
For you to admire
It's fulfilling so fulfilling
To be filling in your filling

I'm a dentist. Open wide and let me in
Open wide and let me in
Oh I'm a dentist..you gotta open wiiiiidddeee
And let me innnn

It's the best job in the world.
For every single boy and girl.
Become a dentist
And you will find happiness

And rinse...ug ug ug ug ug (gargling)

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NAKED

This one has a lovely tune!

I find life slippery
Life's insecure
But amidst all life's frippery
Of one thing I'm sure
Clothes-why do we need 'em
Clothes-what are they for
Clothes-divest yourself of them
And get right down to the raw

Go get yourself naked naked naked
Go nude, that's in the buff
Got no time for long johns or panty hose or tank tops or pop socks
Get em all off

Go bare, you just gotta dare
Everywhere-no more underwear
Don't care-if people stop and stare
Go bare- be proud of your body hair

Nudism an me's
An unlikely combination but to speak nakedly
It's been my life's salvation
Coz when life is proving a drag
And you're feeling unloved and uncute
Don't wait to get your kit off
Get down to your birthday suit

Go get yourself naked naked naked
Go nude that's in the buff
Got no time for velcro and flies and gussets and buttons
Get everything off

So when the urge begins to strike you
To let it all hang free
Give in to all those yearnings
And expose your bits like me-deshabee-like me like me like me
Naked naked naked naked naked

SPOKEN: Slip into the grocers
Give him quite a shock
Disrobe next to the carrots
Wobble all you've got
Streak into the butchers
Stand next to a carcass
Ask the customers if they can guess
Which of you is starkers

Don't care about your spare tyre or your birthmark, or your drooping drooping drooping bits and pieces.
Nudism's helped my life it can help yours.

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OBSESSED

The marvellous Leigh McDonald made this one her own and is doing it in Cabaret in Singapore

Obsessed obsessed obsessed
I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with my breasts.
They're not big enough. Or long enough.
They hang where they should thrust.
They're sagging where they're drooping.
It's a useless sort of bust

I'm overcome. Quite overcome.
Overcome by the thickness of my bum
It's not small enough.
Or pert enough.
It's soft where it should be firm.
It's flabby and cellulitic
It's as squidgy as a worm
No I'm not happy with my body, my body, my body, my body is a mess.
It really is a problem.
That my body won't fit my dress
Obsessed obsessed obsessed

It's unfair, unfair ,unfair.
I can't do a thing with my hair.
It's not thick enough.
Or long enough.
It hangs lank where it should be soaring
It's such an average colour.
And washing its so boring.

I detaist. I detaist. I detaist the size of my waist
It's not small enough.
Or thin enough.
It's got handles and a lump.
It's got a fat bit here and a thin bit here.
It's giving me the hump.

Coz I'm not happy with my body, my body, my body, my body is a mess.
It really is a problem.
I just can't bear to undress

I despair. Despair. Of my bushy pubic hair.
It grows up to here.
And down to there.
I shave it till I'm raw.
I use all those creams, and have strange dreams
That it's grown down to the floor.
Coz I'm not happy etc
It really is a problem my body fails to impress
It really is a problem my body won't fit
It really is a problem my body isn't fit.

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